I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
