I think I died a long time ago.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
