Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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