All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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