one two three fourrrrnication!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
