Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
