i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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