The maid of honor just puked.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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