i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
