just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My bed smells like the plague
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize