STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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