i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
