So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
