i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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