I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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