Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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