just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
