Someone shit on the floor
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
