It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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