he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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