Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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