a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
