She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have aggressive nipples.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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