Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
