So drunk, too bad you don't want this
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think your dad took our porno
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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