My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
