I must be too annoying 4 u.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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