In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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