i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
