Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
