Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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