I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize