god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Houston, we have a squirter
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
