nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
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