well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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