id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
