I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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