I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
