Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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