And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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