My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
