I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
