my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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