How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
