I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
