Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
