i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
