Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize