These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
