I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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