Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
