He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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