dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
