People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
