when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
