Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
