I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
