I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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