walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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