So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
