roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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