why didn't you poke me back
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
