I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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