she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
