If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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