i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
