Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We need to rekindle our bromance
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
